~ :: [ when love & hate collide ] :: ~

i've never dreamed of me in tis..

its like a fairytale tht ended in disaster..

are happily-ever-after-endings ever possible in real life?

haha.. maybe it reali only happens in fairytales..

i've said in many times in a as-matter-of-fact way...

but i feel tht my life is very much controlled by e things tht happen ard me..

if only life can be a bed of roses..

heard today's SAJC's open hse..

i kinda miss those days in skool..

in sajc esp.. i love it there...

i can say i reali do..

~tas

zouk was fun.. extremely fun...

wished i was able to dance more though..

but it was reali good anyways...

actuali it was e supper at spize tht made all e difference...

had e best time having supper with xiu pau n van!!

and even met weihong there!! :) haha..

somehow seeing him makes me happy now.. 

maybe frm now on i shld juz never tink abt superman again..

saw his name flashed on e big screen last nite..

duno why is it always sucha coincidence...

he doesnt even have a common name for goodness sake..

or at least e spelling of his name...

watever.

brother was dead drunk yesterday...

got into trouble .. some fight.. got robbed ..

handphone n wallet gone...

and the police called me..

i sillily thot it was nigel who was pulling a fast one on me..

guess wat i'd said to e policeman..

oh wells.. police told me to cab home asap frm whereva i am to settle it..

wat a pig.. later gotta help him settle..

thank goodness they found e culprit..

but he cant get his stuff back yet cuz they are still investigating..

wat a chore! 

been working alot too...

hate to work nowadays..

i guess aft these events i'll juz stop for some time..

its torturous... and i have so many things to do at hand..

a lot of catching up with skool work..

projects.. presentations..

*arghs*

im off to go do sth abt it..

haha.. else i'll be forever procrastinating...

need sleep oso ... man...

~tas

been feeling neither here nor there..

or rather i feel so numb i dunno how to feel anymore..

somehow wish there is a more idiotproof way of living life..

make evryutink less complicated..

was reali glad u finally spoke to me..

but yet as fast as u appeared again..

u disappeared juz a quickly once again..

i shld hav given up hoping..

been working quite alot lately i reali need some slp...

dunno wat am i doing online now either..

guess i need to juz rant out evrytink thts suppressed inside...

seems like i have no one i can speak to..

or rather i reali dunno who i can rant to anymore...

evryone else juz seem so foreign..

i totally tink i shld sleep now..

so i can lessen e panda eyes..

or at least maintain..

watever..

sighs.. goodnite! :)

~tas

gotta go to work alrdy but im still stoning in my room... been feeling a whole lot better recently..

somehow i guess time heals evrytink.. i juz hope things will onli get better.. :)

got tis somewhere.. thot it was reali amusing..

" setting a corner for smokers to smoke in a restaurant can be likened to setting a corner in the swimming pool for people to pee. "

pls pray for my mummy..

mummy gotta go for a major operation on 20th of tis month..

im extremely worried cuz its a major operation.

she has a growth as well as has a fracture in her hips..

pls pray.

~tas

life is reali always so unpredictable..

as much as i like to believe evryone ard me..

its extremely saddening to realise tht not evrytink is like wat we expect..

i miss alot of people i havnt seen in a long time..

but somehow i juz cannot bring myself to open my mouth to ask to meet..

dun have a habit of bothering people..

dun wanna get rejected also..

i wanna see you.

you.

and you.

and you.

and you.

and you.

really miss you.

~tas

recent fotos..

i feel like im in a daze.

been feeling outta sorts for a long time now...

walking alot of e path we used to walk..

seems so familiar yet so foreign..

visited e places we went..

somehow evrytink seem so different now tht im alone..

without you. it seems empty.

i dun wanna tink abt it.

i wanna move on.

u make it all so difficult to.

i wanna be able to spend time with u.

or maybe juz to see you again.

then maybe i'll change my mind.

maybe u juz lived in my imagination all this while.

maybe i'd change my mind when i see u again.

then maybe i can live out of tis misery..

maybe i juz wanna see you.

~tas

because of you.

 I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
you fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing!

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life
because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

i've been zone-ed out since yesterday..

cant seem to concentrate on anytink i do..

i feel lost.

am not myself anymore.

and i now have a huge phobia abt crossing roads with alot of cars..

somehow e accident made me so freaked out..

i get freaked out so easily now..

xiu juz told me she had a dream of me..

it kinda made my goosebumps stand on end..

n now im totallly freaked.

too many weird things happening..

yesterday e toilet tap turned on by itself.

people change. hearts change. love change.

my love for u is blind.